I have tried writing this particular post about 5 different times this week, and each time I didn't feel like I was saying what I really meant. Today I logged onto Facebook and saw a quote that my friend Sara from massage school posted on her wall, it said:
"There is no passion to be found in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living."
-Nelson Mandela
I kept reading it over and over and thinking, "WOW! That is SO true, but what the heck does that really mean?" I mean really? What kind of life are we all capable of living? I know that seems like a crazy question, but I don't think I really started to wrap my head around what kind of potential is in all of us until I joined the Peace Corps. I think it's one thing to have an inkling of what it is you are capable of and when you see that come to fruition you think, "yeah, I knew I had it in me", but it completely and totally blows your mind when you exceed what you thought you were capable of. That is what happened to me in Guyana. I exceeded any and every expectation of what I thought I was capable of in both a personal and professional way, and my mind was BLOWN. I fell in love.....with myself, with Guyana, and with a man. I have never been the same since.
It's hard to come back to USA reality after that kind of transformation. I wanted to be able to hang onto that new found awareness, but it was hard. It was hard to readjust how I related to people who knew me before I left and not misinterpret how they related to me. It was hard to maintain that passion for living that life I knew I was capable of when I couldn't get a job and I was living at home with Mom and Dad. I had this plan for when I got back and it was all going to fall into place and I was going to be OK. But life sometimes has other plans, and I apparently needed to struggle through 9 months of falling down, failing, asking for help, letting people love me when I felt anything but lovable, and mourning the end of my incredible Peace Corps journey, in order to be ready for what the Universe had in store for me.
I was putting so much energy and stress into a plan that just wasn't working out and the harder I tried to make it work the less it did. I thought I was being responsible and doing what I was "supposed" to do, but this past January the Universe intervened to set me back on the right path. I was given some pretty devastating news and it forced me to reevaluate what I was doing, why I was doing it, and what I REALLY wanted. Within 5 days my plan and path had completely changed and with that change it all started to get easier, things started to fall into place, and I started to have that vision, passion, and yearning for the life I know I am capable of having.
And so....It looks like I'll be moving back to Guyana this summer to marry the man I fell in love with and to work as a teacher at the International School (YEP, finally got a job!).
Off to find out more of what my life is capable of.
"There is no passion to be found in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living."
-Nelson Mandela
I kept reading it over and over and thinking, "WOW! That is SO true, but what the heck does that really mean?" I mean really? What kind of life are we all capable of living? I know that seems like a crazy question, but I don't think I really started to wrap my head around what kind of potential is in all of us until I joined the Peace Corps. I think it's one thing to have an inkling of what it is you are capable of and when you see that come to fruition you think, "yeah, I knew I had it in me", but it completely and totally blows your mind when you exceed what you thought you were capable of. That is what happened to me in Guyana. I exceeded any and every expectation of what I thought I was capable of in both a personal and professional way, and my mind was BLOWN. I fell in love.....with myself, with Guyana, and with a man. I have never been the same since.
It's hard to come back to USA reality after that kind of transformation. I wanted to be able to hang onto that new found awareness, but it was hard. It was hard to readjust how I related to people who knew me before I left and not misinterpret how they related to me. It was hard to maintain that passion for living that life I knew I was capable of when I couldn't get a job and I was living at home with Mom and Dad. I had this plan for when I got back and it was all going to fall into place and I was going to be OK. But life sometimes has other plans, and I apparently needed to struggle through 9 months of falling down, failing, asking for help, letting people love me when I felt anything but lovable, and mourning the end of my incredible Peace Corps journey, in order to be ready for what the Universe had in store for me.
I was putting so much energy and stress into a plan that just wasn't working out and the harder I tried to make it work the less it did. I thought I was being responsible and doing what I was "supposed" to do, but this past January the Universe intervened to set me back on the right path. I was given some pretty devastating news and it forced me to reevaluate what I was doing, why I was doing it, and what I REALLY wanted. Within 5 days my plan and path had completely changed and with that change it all started to get easier, things started to fall into place, and I started to have that vision, passion, and yearning for the life I know I am capable of having.
And so....It looks like I'll be moving back to Guyana this summer to marry the man I fell in love with and to work as a teacher at the International School (YEP, finally got a job!).
Off to find out more of what my life is capable of.
No comments:
Post a Comment